31 for 21: A Toddler

This fall, we've moved from having a baby to having a toddler.

I think it started at the beginning of the school year, when I decided it was time to take him to Toddler Storytime at the library instead of Baby Storytime.  It just seemed like he was the biggest kid in the class, and it was time.  And he loved it.  He loved the energy of all the toddlers running around and making lots of noise.  

Then there's been the trouble with his appetite.  Our little baby Max once gobbled up every spoonful that came his way.  Many days we were certain he was eating more than Toby.  And then it stopped.  Along with his pincer grasp came the ability to carefully pick up food from his tray and drop it onto the ground.  Not surprisingly, this change was accompanied by a drop in weight, so now we are reduced to begging him to eat.  I might have spent tonight's dinner singing, because the only time he would open his mouth was on the "wash" part of "wash the spider down."

And in the last few weeks, we've seen the attitude.  Screeching when he's bored.  Yanking toys away from other toddlers.  Refusing to give away contraband cords, legos and lint without a fight.  Bursting into tears when he hears the word "no."  Pivoting around so that his back is facing his therapists when he's done playing their games, and doing so with a big grin on his face.  He is still a remarkably easygoing little boy -- but he's getting opinions.

So I've been calling him a toddler lately, mostly without apology.  Actual toddling will come when it will, we have a toddler in the house.

31 for 21: More Stacking

This stacking thing is continuing to amuse me.

31 for 21: Financial Fast

Today our family completed a three-week financial "fast."  We've done these from time to time over the past several years, and I considered blogging about it these past weeks.  But really, this time around, it didn't seem that extreme, and I didn't really have much to say about it.

The idea is simple -- no spending for three weeks.  Necessities are exempt (groceries, gas, continuing to pay the mortgage) as are reoccurring expenses that can't easily be shut off for a few weeks (internet, Y membership).

And that's part of why it wasn't much of a thing -- so many of our expenses are prepaid.  Can't go out to see a movie during the fast, but we can watch something on Netflix.  Our membership cards to the zoo still work.  Not going out to eat was our biggest hardship.  (And, to be fair, we each cheated to go out to eat with friends once -- getting social time away from the family is a rare thing.)

Still, although the impact was small, there was something freeing about walking into Target to buy some supplies for work, and knowing that I would not buy any extra Halloween clutter while I was there.

I described the process to some friends as a "reset," and as such it did it's job.  I'm back in the habit of packing snacks for the kids and bringing along my own coffee mug.  We invited friends over for dinner instead of going out.  We took advantage of the last weeks of mild weather and got outside.

And tonight, we celebrated the end of our fast with sushi -- oddly enough it's the favorite of 3 out of 4 in this household (Christer likes it, too, he just wouldn't call it a favorite).  The gift-giving holidays are arriving (including birthdays for the boys), and I'll start placing those orders within the next few weeks.  I need to pick up some underwear for one boy and pjs for the other.  The buying & spending of running a household is inescapable -- which is why doing this sort of fast, slight as it is, is always as much a retreat as a challenge.

31 for 21: Frivolity

I am no food blogger, but I am trying to fill 31 days, and these cheese crackers are just about as exciting as anything else I could write about.

Did you know that crackers are basically just a flavored pie crust?

I start with this recipe here.  Then I remember that I don't have any basil, and that I don't want to put a $5 chunk of Parmesan all into one recipe.  So I leave those out.  And add a little dried oregano or a pinch of hot pepper.  Whatever.  Really the important thing is the butter.

I am not in the habit of making crackers.  There is no shame in feeding my kids packaged snacks.  But when I do get time to make these, they are so good.  This weekend they were worthy to take to a potluck.  And if you want to eat the leftovers for lunch, I suggest dipping them in peanut butter.

31 for 21: Goofballs

A quick Friday photo of my goofy little boys.

31 for 21: Telling the Older Sibling

After we learned about Max's Down syndrome, we fretted a lot about how to tell Toby.  And we screwed up.

We wanted to be honest with him, so we told him as soon as we knew.  Poor kid, he didn't have any preconceived notions about Down syndrome.  He just knew that his brother was in the NICU, and he couldn't visit, and he was scared.  He decided that Down syndrome was the reason for Max's hospitalization, and he cried when he learned that Down syndrome doesn't go away.  It took a long time to untangle the permanent Down syndrome from the temporary hospitalization.

But it did untangle, eventually, and we figured out new ways to screw things up.  Like when a lady at the grocery was harassing me about "Isn't he walking yet?" and Toby very slowly explained to her, "He has Down syndrome.  That means that he learns things more slowly than some babies."  Yeah, schooled her.  But he noticed my smirk at his answer, and knew he'd done something clever, and so he started telling EVERYONE that Max had Down syndrome.  People in line at the post office, moms at the park, strangers on the sidewalk.  How do you stop that without making it sound like Down syndrome is a bad thing?  (Hint: we told him that Down syndrome isn't the most important thing about Max, and challenged him to list other things he could tell people about Max.)

So, now that we have established that I am in no way a trusted authority on the matter, here are my top five tips for telling your older kids that their sibling has Down syndrome:

1) You're going to screw this up.  And that's okay.

2)  This isn't a one-time talk, it's a talk that comes along in bits and pieces.  Sometimes you'll need to initiate some new piece of information, but often the questions come up in conversation.

3)  You're going to mess up about half of those little talks, too.  And that's okay.

4)  How you answer your kid when they ask about differences outside your family also shapes the way they'll see the disability inside your family.  Remember that when the awkward questions come:  Why is he wearing that?  Why does she walk that way?  Why does one kid in my class have an aide?  Why does one kid in my class get in trouble all the time?  (Hint: My new favorite answer to questions that are inappropriate in public is "I don't know, we'll have to look that up on the computer when we get home.)

5)  It's going to turn out okay.  I've known a few siblings of people with Down syndrome or other intellectual disabilities.  And you know what?  Without exception, they are the most understanding, accepting, honest & caring folks I ever talk disability with.  They get it, better than parents, better than clinicians or teachers, they really get what it means to include someone with a disability--warts and all.  Whatever rock we hit along this road, I have faith that Toby's always going to know a little bit more about what it's like to be Max than I ever will.

31 for 21: Higher!

We are still all about the stacking around here.  Throw in more and more copying of sounds and some scooting that looks suspiciously like crawling.  It's one of those weeks where everything is changing at once.

Now if he could just figure out the sleeping at night thing, I would be one proud mama.